One last time

Well, this has been a wild ride! I hope you have been able to learn as much from my blogs as I have throughout this journey. It hasn't been easy but it has definitely been worth it. As I look back on everything that I have learned this semester I am completely astounded. There is so much knowledge and information out there that could really benefit your life. I have definitely seen this for myself as I have been able write on the things I have learned. This last topic I want to focus on for today is the topic of divorce and remarriage. This is also a very tricky marriage. It can sometimes be hard to identify what needs to happen but I feel like it is important to know some things that you might want to know in case this ever happens to your family later on. I'm not saying will as divorce is not something I would wish on my worst enemy, but it is always a possibility and being prepared is always the best course of action for any sort of disaster.

Did you know that 70 percent of the people that get a divorce, when surveyed 2 years later say that they should have tried to save their marriage. This is really sad to me. 2 years isn't very much time and if 70 percent of them regret their divorce than it kinda proves that marriage is worth the effort in some situations. Now this isn't always the case. In situations like abuse, whether mental or physical, or other life threatening situations it is better to escape. Also, 2 years after their divorce 70 percent of men are remarried, it is different for women. The really sad this with this is 62 percent of remarriages where there are kids involved fail. This is really sad, but it makes sense. Remarriage with kids is difficult because they are merging different lifestyles. The kids already know their original parents and sometimes have a prejudice of the new person joining their family because they don't want them to take the place of their father. It is also difficult to figure out the consequences and how to dole them out. If their are teenage children they don't want someone other than their actual dad to punish them and they get mad and react badly about it. The birth parents should be the ones to deal with the discipline. You should also accept that it will take at least 2 years to reach a sense of normalcy in the relationship because you are definitely trying to merge your lifestyles and it isn't easy.

The biggest cause of divorce is from selfishness. Often times people think that the leading cause of divorce is infidelity, but it really isn't. I think that sometimes infidelity is a thing because of selfishness. The people don't think that they are getting enough attention or whatever it may be. Since they have these feelings and don't like to feel that way they just decide to take whatever they want even though it hurts others. Divorce is hard and can make you feel worthless, but don't every let those thoughts stay in your mind. You are totally worth it and you deserve to be happy. You are not worth any less if your spouse decides to leave you and you can do many wonderful things in your life. I have definitely seen many people like this in my life. The have helped with so many things and been amazing examples to me of how I should live my life.

As I said earlier, this is my final blog. I really hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New year.

What is the purpose of parenting?

What is the purpose of parenting? This is an age old question which may seem insignificant at first but is actually extremely important. I feel like the purpose of parenting is to raise your children in loving homes where they can escape the confusion of the world, and grow up in ways that they can be examples to others in the world. You don't have to just take my word on this though. You can also take the word of Dr. Michael Popkin where he said " The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world in which they will live." These to opinions both show ways that being a parent can have a positive impact in a child's life. It is so important to be able to help them change and be strong so they can withstand the temptations of the world and can be prepared for the confusion in which they will live. I will be one of the first ones you meet to admit I don't always understand everything going on in the world, but I am also super grateful for my parents and everything they did to prepare me for life. I am currently living in an apartment with 5 other people from different backgrounds and upbringings as well as going to college. If I didn't have their advice given to me throughout my entire life I would be very lost and confused in this world.

Another important thing with parenting is understanding the basic needs of each individual and doing things to help those needs be met. There are 5 basic needs each person needs. They are contact/belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. There are different ways to approach these needs and some of them are better than others. With contact and belonging you have a mistaken approach where you may think they don't need it. They'll be just fine. In reality this leads to some undue attention seeking, or the children go to extreme lengths for that attention and sense of belonging. If you would just freely give them contact or a hug, this may lessen gradually until it disappears. Another way to help with this need is to show them that they can contribute. Allow them to cook alongside you when you make dinner, or clean up after themselves. This helps them to know that they are important and you value what they have to add to the family. With power, they need to know they can control things in their own lives or they may rebel and try to control others. If you allow them to make their own choices and deal with the consequences they will grow up and be able to see the good and the bad of each choice they make. If they don't have protection they may try to take revenge on those who hurt them. This just creates more problems and is never good. You need to be assertive, but show them that they can be forgiven. You need to lead by example because what they see they will do. Sometimes they do something and it makes you so  mad. Instead of acting on that anger, withdraw or take a break and come back when you have calmed down. This will help them to stop avoiding people who make them angry. You need to make sure you come back though or the feelings will just fester. The last item is challenge. They might turn to risk taking, but you can turn it back to skill building like playing the piano or writing their alphabet. If you will ensure the kids have each of these needs met, you will have a much happier family and will be able to see the effect of your parenting every day.