Communication mishaps?

 Have you ever wondered the affect communication actually has? I have, and luckily I have learned a lot about this in the last week.  When I hear communication my initial thought is when I keep my family updated on my life but to be honest with you there is so much more involved in it than that. For example, have you ever gone on a date with someone and they want more out of it than you? I definitely have. In fact, this happened to me last week. This person was my friend and are a lot older than me but they were ready to be in a relationship. I attempted to tell them I wasn't interested in a relationship but he didn't quite catch this even though I thought I stated it quite plainly in my opinion and so the friendship kinda ended badly with a fairly big text argument. Luckily we have made up a little bit and are able to be friends again even though it is a little bit strained. This example shows quite a few examples of miscommunication. 

An important thing with communication is making sure the message you sent is received by having them send it back to you. If you tell a friend to Go find a spot to sit for devotional, and they don't, then they probably didn't understand exactly what you were wanting. It is important to clarify with the individual that they understand and have them repeat it back to you. Each family says things differently and we need to all understand that and support each other despite our differences.

It also represents some of the different ways that we can communicate with each other. We have text, phone call, social media, in person and much more. I tried to explain in person but he didn't understand so I sent a very blunt text instead. He got my message then. Despite so many different types of communication, it is still hard to get our messages across. When communicating we need words, tone, and nonverbal communication. Our words is pretty self explanatory. It is everything that you say. This takes up 14% of our communication. 35% is tone, or how we say it. For example, have you ever noticed that when you are asking a question your voice goes up at the end? Mine definitely does. O how when you are angry your voice drops down and becomes more intimidating? This is because you are trying to express yourself in a way others will understand. The other 51% is from nonverbal communication or how we use our body language, and our facial expressions. Have you ever seen someone who has a really intimidating glare? You don't really want to go talk to them because you don't want them to bite your head off and eat it for breakfast. On the other hand if someone is smiling and happy they are more approachable and you comfortable asking them for help. In the situation of my date I probably wasn't making my nonverbal communication as clear as I should have so he was mixing them up.

The Last thing that I want to talk about is ways you can resolve an argument without brawling in the middle of the street. It is called the 5 secrets of effective communication by David Burns. Keep in mind these can appear in any order, but for simplicity sake I am going to number them 1-5. number 1 is to disarm. Look at their point of view and try to see it how they are feeling. When you do that you can see the truth that they are feeling and arguing for and it helps you understand them better. The second step is to express empathy for their situation. Realize how hard it is for them and let them know that. 3rd Inquiry or confirm with the individual that you have the right idea for the situation.4rth is to say I feel statements and assert how you are feeling while not diminishing their feelings and the last step is to stroke them or state  your admiration for them. This helps them to see that you truly do care about them and want to keep a relationship with them. As I said, communication is super important in any relationships.