Parenting and acounting

 What is the effect of parenting? Honestly this is a really hard one to judge. Sometimes we think that there isn't a very big effect from parenting but it really truly has a huge effect. Can you think of moments in your life where nothing seemed to be going you're way and then all of a sudden Mom or Dad stepped in with a fresh perspective and everything else seemed to suddenly all work out. I definitely have. There are many times where I go kinda crazy and only the loving support of my parents helps me to see the error of my ways and return to being the Angelic person I normally am. Just kidding. There have been many situations where I am extremely mad at a sibling for something I think they are doing, but really they aren't and I don't even want to talk to them. My parents lovingly help me to see the actual story and realize that I may have misread some things. Or there are times where everything seems to be against me. I'm failing some tests, my car broke down, my friends all abandoned me etc. and they come and remind me of all the good things I have in my life so I don't just focus on the bad. 

As wonderful as parents are, they are also very different in the roles that they play in our lives. For me, I go to my mom when I am struggling with self-worth, or really frustrated with someone or something. Even though she hasn't been in my exact position she can empathize with me and help me to feel better while also helping me to prepare for other difficult times ahead of me. She is my confidant and my best friend. Then you have my dad. If I tried to share everything with my dad that I share with my mom, he would tell me to stop complaining and get on with life. It would be in a slightly more kind way but you get the gist of it all. My Dad is the one I go to when I need to feel safe. He is strong and loving and I know that he will always be there for me no matter what I do. He has been a huge example to me of hard work even when it isn't pleasant. While I was growing up he was let go from a job he loved for budget cuts and in order to support our family he worked in the oil fields. While this was hard and we didn't see him very often, he still made time for us to know he loved us. He hated this work but he never gave up either. There are many more ways that moms and dads can be different, and each family is different. Sometimes the dad is the one you confide in and mom is the one you go to in order to feel safe. Regardless of the outcomes, it is super important for each family to have a mother and a father. They provide stability and support in every situation and life is a lot darker without the other. The kids don't have as much time without both parents and often times have really difficult lives. Often they are more likely to become school shooters, or get on drugs and go to jail. This is a sad statistic.

Another aspect of families is finances. It doesn't always mean you are more financially stable if both spouses are working.  This is not always true. You have to take into account the fact that now you need to pay for daycare, and other things like that. It is also hard for little kids to be away from their parents for so long. Also, many marriages have problems that start with money. As you can see, parents truly have a very big responsibility and an effect in your lives.

Communication mishaps?

 Have you ever wondered the affect communication actually has? I have, and luckily I have learned a lot about this in the last week.  When I hear communication my initial thought is when I keep my family updated on my life but to be honest with you there is so much more involved in it than that. For example, have you ever gone on a date with someone and they want more out of it than you? I definitely have. In fact, this happened to me last week. This person was my friend and are a lot older than me but they were ready to be in a relationship. I attempted to tell them I wasn't interested in a relationship but he didn't quite catch this even though I thought I stated it quite plainly in my opinion and so the friendship kinda ended badly with a fairly big text argument. Luckily we have made up a little bit and are able to be friends again even though it is a little bit strained. This example shows quite a few examples of miscommunication. 

An important thing with communication is making sure the message you sent is received by having them send it back to you. If you tell a friend to Go find a spot to sit for devotional, and they don't, then they probably didn't understand exactly what you were wanting. It is important to clarify with the individual that they understand and have them repeat it back to you. Each family says things differently and we need to all understand that and support each other despite our differences.

It also represents some of the different ways that we can communicate with each other. We have text, phone call, social media, in person and much more. I tried to explain in person but he didn't understand so I sent a very blunt text instead. He got my message then. Despite so many different types of communication, it is still hard to get our messages across. When communicating we need words, tone, and nonverbal communication. Our words is pretty self explanatory. It is everything that you say. This takes up 14% of our communication. 35% is tone, or how we say it. For example, have you ever noticed that when you are asking a question your voice goes up at the end? Mine definitely does. O how when you are angry your voice drops down and becomes more intimidating? This is because you are trying to express yourself in a way others will understand. The other 51% is from nonverbal communication or how we use our body language, and our facial expressions. Have you ever seen someone who has a really intimidating glare? You don't really want to go talk to them because you don't want them to bite your head off and eat it for breakfast. On the other hand if someone is smiling and happy they are more approachable and you comfortable asking them for help. In the situation of my date I probably wasn't making my nonverbal communication as clear as I should have so he was mixing them up.

The Last thing that I want to talk about is ways you can resolve an argument without brawling in the middle of the street. It is called the 5 secrets of effective communication by David Burns. Keep in mind these can appear in any order, but for simplicity sake I am going to number them 1-5. number 1 is to disarm. Look at their point of view and try to see it how they are feeling. When you do that you can see the truth that they are feeling and arguing for and it helps you understand them better. The second step is to express empathy for their situation. Realize how hard it is for them and let them know that. 3rd Inquiry or confirm with the individual that you have the right idea for the situation.4rth is to say I feel statements and assert how you are feeling while not diminishing their feelings and the last step is to stroke them or state  your admiration for them. This helps them to see that you truly do care about them and want to keep a relationship with them. As I said, communication is super important in any relationships.

Stress

 As we all know there are many things that happen in our lives. This can cause stress, but stress in small amounts is actually very healthy for you. Without it we wouldn't really grow or become better. When we thing of stress we often think of the extreme levels of stress some people deal with that causes depression and anxiety but that isn't the only type of stress. In fact stress is the emption being applied while the others are examples of distress or being subjected too to much stress. Now lots of stress isn't always something to fear. In fact, a few times when we go through extreme amounts of stress it can help us to do superhuman things that we normally can't even dream of doing. Have you ever heard stories of someone picking up a car so they could rescue a child or spouse, or even stories of people becoming hyper-aware or focused in dangerous situations so they can protect themselves or others? I have. Once when driving on a freeway in California I didn't realize that my lane was ending and by the time I realized I was in the middle of a semi and my lane was about to end leading to a crash with the semi. Instead of freaking out I suddenly seemed to know exactly what I needed to do in order to finish passing the semi and not crash including how much I needed to accelerate when I should turn the wheel. Well, obviously I survived but it was a really crazy situation and I was totally scared afterwards.

A really interesting fact I recently learned is that when you write the word crisis in Chinese it is in fact two words. Dangerous and opportunity. We all go through situations with crisis and have to be creative in order to overcome them. When trying to help someone who is dealing with so much stress they are becoming depressed don't try to help them by sugarcoating it or by saying think Happy thoughts. This isn't going to help them and may send them into a darker spiral while making it so they don't come to you as often. So how do I help them you may ask? Well be their friend. Help them know that they are loved and you are always there for them. You can also try to help them seek professional help. It is true that if they would take action to do something it would help them overcome that depression, but it only makes them feel worse and like you are judging them. Something I was told on my church mission is to Change My Perspective. Instead of saying the world is to dark. No one cares about me, or maybe I'm not pretty enough. These are all lies you have told yourselves. It is hard to overcome them but not impossible. Instead of thinking things like this you can try to look out of the box. It needs to be a truth because truth combats lies but you should look at things with a different perspective. I heard a quote the other day that goes something like this "don't try to take away the pain, take away the lies." I don't remember exactly who said it but I thought it was very profound. Pain is a necessary evil and helps us to grow but we don't need to make ourselves suffer because of lies we have made up. 

Now I know this isn't a perfect representation of stress. There is so much more out there I didn't cover and don't even know myself, but it is an attempt to help others who are struggling. You are not alone and you are important even if you don't feel like it at the moment. There are so many people who care for you that you don't even know about.

Intimacy in the Family?

 Have you ever stopped to consider the effect that sexual relations can have on your family? If I'm going to be honest, that was one of the furthest things from my mind, but…. I feel like I have been enlightened on this subject recently. One of the first things to know is that even though this is a subject usually ignored or one that we generally turn a blind eye to there is a huge impact on the family because of sex. One of these is what happens to victims of rape, how men and women must work together in order to help each other despite their many differences and one way to help you stay faithful to your spouse.  

Victims of rape go through a lot of different things. They feel guilt, fear, despair, and so much more. It is never easy overcoming something like this especially since it hurts your Spirit. This is something many different people have agreed on. It doesn’t just affect you physically, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually. I am sure we all know someone who has been in this situation and seen the effects of it. I’m sure we have also seen many people who have overcome this trial and use their experiences to help others on their various stages of this path. One thing that is crucial for their recovery is to know that others still love them and that they aren’t broken. I heard a story of a young woman who was sexually abused when she was younger, and it affected her for years. She was preparing for a wedding and was terrified, but received council and found out she didn’t need to be afraid any more. We can be that voice of confidence and help for others. Oftentimes the greatest healing can come from being loved by someone who loves you for being you. Once that happens you have no need to be afraid anymore and can remember just how loved you really are.

Cooperation is a key in all aspects of marriage in order for it to be successful, but with intimate relations between a man and a women there is a great need for this type of communication. The patterns or habits for men and women are just opposite each other so, you need to become proficient in give and take. As you do this you are able to overcome any trial that may come your way. As you do this you can avoid all sorts of frustration and disappointment and become united together despite the crazy weather you experience here. 

In a marriage, who do you think the most important relationship is. I personally think it is your spouse. There are so many things you learn from each other and so much strength to be developed together. Despite all this there are some pretty serious consequences when including others in your marriage. One of those being that you might complain about your spouse to other people. WRONG!!!!!! Never ever discuss your relationships with others.  If you do this you end up driving a wedge between your spouse and that is so sad! Marriage is never easy, and there will almost always be a quarrel of some sort, but as you share that quarrel with others they barely look at your life and draw harsh conclusions which aren't accurate. They may never forgive your spouse even though you have long since forgotten thm. Also, do NOT have strong relationships with members of the opposite Gender. It can be detrimental to your marriage and may accidentally lead to an affair. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time but it definitely is a possibility. You spend so much time together one on one that it is almost like a date and you really start to notice the attributes you admire in the other, and then bang it happens. Now this isn’t always the case but often it is. These are all broad generalizations, but I feel like they are super accurate. Here’s to hoping you have a wonderful life, I’ll see you next week!