Parenting and acounting

 What is the effect of parenting? Honestly this is a really hard one to judge. Sometimes we think that there isn't a very big effect from parenting but it really truly has a huge effect. Can you think of moments in your life where nothing seemed to be going you're way and then all of a sudden Mom or Dad stepped in with a fresh perspective and everything else seemed to suddenly all work out. I definitely have. There are many times where I go kinda crazy and only the loving support of my parents helps me to see the error of my ways and return to being the Angelic person I normally am. Just kidding. There have been many situations where I am extremely mad at a sibling for something I think they are doing, but really they aren't and I don't even want to talk to them. My parents lovingly help me to see the actual story and realize that I may have misread some things. Or there are times where everything seems to be against me. I'm failing some tests, my car broke down, my friends all abandoned me etc. and they come and remind me of all the good things I have in my life so I don't just focus on the bad. 

As wonderful as parents are, they are also very different in the roles that they play in our lives. For me, I go to my mom when I am struggling with self-worth, or really frustrated with someone or something. Even though she hasn't been in my exact position she can empathize with me and help me to feel better while also helping me to prepare for other difficult times ahead of me. She is my confidant and my best friend. Then you have my dad. If I tried to share everything with my dad that I share with my mom, he would tell me to stop complaining and get on with life. It would be in a slightly more kind way but you get the gist of it all. My Dad is the one I go to when I need to feel safe. He is strong and loving and I know that he will always be there for me no matter what I do. He has been a huge example to me of hard work even when it isn't pleasant. While I was growing up he was let go from a job he loved for budget cuts and in order to support our family he worked in the oil fields. While this was hard and we didn't see him very often, he still made time for us to know he loved us. He hated this work but he never gave up either. There are many more ways that moms and dads can be different, and each family is different. Sometimes the dad is the one you confide in and mom is the one you go to in order to feel safe. Regardless of the outcomes, it is super important for each family to have a mother and a father. They provide stability and support in every situation and life is a lot darker without the other. The kids don't have as much time without both parents and often times have really difficult lives. Often they are more likely to become school shooters, or get on drugs and go to jail. This is a sad statistic.

Another aspect of families is finances. It doesn't always mean you are more financially stable if both spouses are working.  This is not always true. You have to take into account the fact that now you need to pay for daycare, and other things like that. It is also hard for little kids to be away from their parents for so long. Also, many marriages have problems that start with money. As you can see, parents truly have a very big responsibility and an effect in your lives.

Communication mishaps?

 Have you ever wondered the affect communication actually has? I have, and luckily I have learned a lot about this in the last week.  When I hear communication my initial thought is when I keep my family updated on my life but to be honest with you there is so much more involved in it than that. For example, have you ever gone on a date with someone and they want more out of it than you? I definitely have. In fact, this happened to me last week. This person was my friend and are a lot older than me but they were ready to be in a relationship. I attempted to tell them I wasn't interested in a relationship but he didn't quite catch this even though I thought I stated it quite plainly in my opinion and so the friendship kinda ended badly with a fairly big text argument. Luckily we have made up a little bit and are able to be friends again even though it is a little bit strained. This example shows quite a few examples of miscommunication. 

An important thing with communication is making sure the message you sent is received by having them send it back to you. If you tell a friend to Go find a spot to sit for devotional, and they don't, then they probably didn't understand exactly what you were wanting. It is important to clarify with the individual that they understand and have them repeat it back to you. Each family says things differently and we need to all understand that and support each other despite our differences.

It also represents some of the different ways that we can communicate with each other. We have text, phone call, social media, in person and much more. I tried to explain in person but he didn't understand so I sent a very blunt text instead. He got my message then. Despite so many different types of communication, it is still hard to get our messages across. When communicating we need words, tone, and nonverbal communication. Our words is pretty self explanatory. It is everything that you say. This takes up 14% of our communication. 35% is tone, or how we say it. For example, have you ever noticed that when you are asking a question your voice goes up at the end? Mine definitely does. O how when you are angry your voice drops down and becomes more intimidating? This is because you are trying to express yourself in a way others will understand. The other 51% is from nonverbal communication or how we use our body language, and our facial expressions. Have you ever seen someone who has a really intimidating glare? You don't really want to go talk to them because you don't want them to bite your head off and eat it for breakfast. On the other hand if someone is smiling and happy they are more approachable and you comfortable asking them for help. In the situation of my date I probably wasn't making my nonverbal communication as clear as I should have so he was mixing them up.

The Last thing that I want to talk about is ways you can resolve an argument without brawling in the middle of the street. It is called the 5 secrets of effective communication by David Burns. Keep in mind these can appear in any order, but for simplicity sake I am going to number them 1-5. number 1 is to disarm. Look at their point of view and try to see it how they are feeling. When you do that you can see the truth that they are feeling and arguing for and it helps you understand them better. The second step is to express empathy for their situation. Realize how hard it is for them and let them know that. 3rd Inquiry or confirm with the individual that you have the right idea for the situation.4rth is to say I feel statements and assert how you are feeling while not diminishing their feelings and the last step is to stroke them or state  your admiration for them. This helps them to see that you truly do care about them and want to keep a relationship with them. As I said, communication is super important in any relationships.

Stress

 As we all know there are many things that happen in our lives. This can cause stress, but stress in small amounts is actually very healthy for you. Without it we wouldn't really grow or become better. When we thing of stress we often think of the extreme levels of stress some people deal with that causes depression and anxiety but that isn't the only type of stress. In fact stress is the emption being applied while the others are examples of distress or being subjected too to much stress. Now lots of stress isn't always something to fear. In fact, a few times when we go through extreme amounts of stress it can help us to do superhuman things that we normally can't even dream of doing. Have you ever heard stories of someone picking up a car so they could rescue a child or spouse, or even stories of people becoming hyper-aware or focused in dangerous situations so they can protect themselves or others? I have. Once when driving on a freeway in California I didn't realize that my lane was ending and by the time I realized I was in the middle of a semi and my lane was about to end leading to a crash with the semi. Instead of freaking out I suddenly seemed to know exactly what I needed to do in order to finish passing the semi and not crash including how much I needed to accelerate when I should turn the wheel. Well, obviously I survived but it was a really crazy situation and I was totally scared afterwards.

A really interesting fact I recently learned is that when you write the word crisis in Chinese it is in fact two words. Dangerous and opportunity. We all go through situations with crisis and have to be creative in order to overcome them. When trying to help someone who is dealing with so much stress they are becoming depressed don't try to help them by sugarcoating it or by saying think Happy thoughts. This isn't going to help them and may send them into a darker spiral while making it so they don't come to you as often. So how do I help them you may ask? Well be their friend. Help them know that they are loved and you are always there for them. You can also try to help them seek professional help. It is true that if they would take action to do something it would help them overcome that depression, but it only makes them feel worse and like you are judging them. Something I was told on my church mission is to Change My Perspective. Instead of saying the world is to dark. No one cares about me, or maybe I'm not pretty enough. These are all lies you have told yourselves. It is hard to overcome them but not impossible. Instead of thinking things like this you can try to look out of the box. It needs to be a truth because truth combats lies but you should look at things with a different perspective. I heard a quote the other day that goes something like this "don't try to take away the pain, take away the lies." I don't remember exactly who said it but I thought it was very profound. Pain is a necessary evil and helps us to grow but we don't need to make ourselves suffer because of lies we have made up. 

Now I know this isn't a perfect representation of stress. There is so much more out there I didn't cover and don't even know myself, but it is an attempt to help others who are struggling. You are not alone and you are important even if you don't feel like it at the moment. There are so many people who care for you that you don't even know about.

Intimacy in the Family?

 Have you ever stopped to consider the effect that sexual relations can have on your family? If I'm going to be honest, that was one of the furthest things from my mind, but…. I feel like I have been enlightened on this subject recently. One of the first things to know is that even though this is a subject usually ignored or one that we generally turn a blind eye to there is a huge impact on the family because of sex. One of these is what happens to victims of rape, how men and women must work together in order to help each other despite their many differences and one way to help you stay faithful to your spouse.  

Victims of rape go through a lot of different things. They feel guilt, fear, despair, and so much more. It is never easy overcoming something like this especially since it hurts your Spirit. This is something many different people have agreed on. It doesn’t just affect you physically, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually. I am sure we all know someone who has been in this situation and seen the effects of it. I’m sure we have also seen many people who have overcome this trial and use their experiences to help others on their various stages of this path. One thing that is crucial for their recovery is to know that others still love them and that they aren’t broken. I heard a story of a young woman who was sexually abused when she was younger, and it affected her for years. She was preparing for a wedding and was terrified, but received council and found out she didn’t need to be afraid any more. We can be that voice of confidence and help for others. Oftentimes the greatest healing can come from being loved by someone who loves you for being you. Once that happens you have no need to be afraid anymore and can remember just how loved you really are.

Cooperation is a key in all aspects of marriage in order for it to be successful, but with intimate relations between a man and a women there is a great need for this type of communication. The patterns or habits for men and women are just opposite each other so, you need to become proficient in give and take. As you do this you are able to overcome any trial that may come your way. As you do this you can avoid all sorts of frustration and disappointment and become united together despite the crazy weather you experience here. 

In a marriage, who do you think the most important relationship is. I personally think it is your spouse. There are so many things you learn from each other and so much strength to be developed together. Despite all this there are some pretty serious consequences when including others in your marriage. One of those being that you might complain about your spouse to other people. WRONG!!!!!! Never ever discuss your relationships with others.  If you do this you end up driving a wedge between your spouse and that is so sad! Marriage is never easy, and there will almost always be a quarrel of some sort, but as you share that quarrel with others they barely look at your life and draw harsh conclusions which aren't accurate. They may never forgive your spouse even though you have long since forgotten thm. Also, do NOT have strong relationships with members of the opposite Gender. It can be detrimental to your marriage and may accidentally lead to an affair. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time but it definitely is a possibility. You spend so much time together one on one that it is almost like a date and you really start to notice the attributes you admire in the other, and then bang it happens. Now this isn’t always the case but often it is. These are all broad generalizations, but I feel like they are super accurate. Here’s to hoping you have a wonderful life, I’ll see you next week!

Forever After!!!!

     Now that we have talked about dating, let's move on to engagement and marriages. Now I’m not going to tell you when you should get engaged or get married. That is way above my pay grade but I am going to throw some thoughts out there for things that should be done during these two times in your life. For example, have you ever considered how your engagement period can help you to prepare for married life, and how much influence God should have in your marriage. 

After you finally have that beautiful ring, or woman life might seem to be at a standstill. You may find yourself wondering, what next? There is no simple solution to this question. One thing you should continue to do is regularly spend time together and still go on dates. Even though you already caught the perfect person, your relationship might start to wane if you never see each other or spend time together. It’s like coming home after a long semester of college and feeling like you don’t really fit in any more. People change. It’s as plain as that. Now, one of the next steps of life is to prepare for your wedding. I’m sure you have seen all of the typical stereotypes with bridezilla, or over planning, or really anything. The truth is planning a wedding is hard work. I have had 4 older siblings get married and 3 of them did it within a year and a week of each other. My poor parents were stuck planning wedding after wedding with very little time in between. I definitely didn’t see all the work put into the weddings but I remember some of it. Now think how much more stressful it will be when it is your wedding!!!! You’ve got to find a dress, tux, plan a reception, send out invitations and so much more! Now think how much more stressful this could be if it is just you doing all this work, not the two of you together. This is why it is super important to both plan the wedding. That way you are both involved in the future of your life, and you get practice making decisions together. I’m sure we’ve all seen people who when you ask them what they want they can’t make up their minds (ME). Well, that is very frustrating, and you don’t want a future of frustration. While all of this is going on, you should also have a basic outline of what you want your married life to look like.

Marriage isn't easy. You are merging two different backgrounds and cultures all into one itty bitty house. Maybe one of you really likes video games, but the other one doesn’t or one of you eats with your mouth open and the other one doesn’t. There are all sorts of things that you need to compromise on. One person can’t be right all the time and take all the things that make the other happy away. It is a practice of give and take. With video games you might compromise on only playing the video games after the homework is done and only for about 4-6 hours a week, while also being willing to give up something you do too much like maybe reading books. There are so many choices to make and it is most likely going to be easier on you if you tackle some of them before they come up and turn into an argument.

The last thing I wanted to mention is making sure  you keep God in your relationship. Building and keeping lasting relationships is really difficult. It is always easier when you have someone willing to be a mediator and help to encourage both of you to see the other side. That is what Heavenly Father can do for you. As you rely on him for strength and guidance he can give you patience and a clear perspective so you can understand your significant other in a different way.You also can make promises or covenants with God that help you both to stay on track and be strengthened during difficult times in your lives. As I said, marriage isn’t easy, but with God it can be easier! When you turn to him in prayer you can rest assured that even though life won't be easy, it will be easier without him!

The Dating Game!!!!!!

 When you hear the word date, what does it bring to your mind? Maybe it is the really awkward last date you went on, or your high school prom. The truth is, there are lots of different things that you can do on dates. The sad thing is, nowadays people don’t go on dates, the “Hang Out.” There is a big difference between going on a date and hanging out. Dating actually has a couple of different steps to them while hanging out can be playing Xbox as a group of friends.

The definition of dating has changed a lot over the years. It used to be common to go on dates with a lot of different people and try to get to know them. Now… it isn’t. In order for something to be considered  a date you need to have reached these qualifications. It needs to be planned, paid for, and paired off. It is important that every party knows what is happening on the date, or you may be overdressed, or under-dressed. Also, when you have a specific idea for your date you are more comfortable and not as likely to run into awkward situations. This has definitely happened to me. I didn’t know what we were doing until my date showed up. Let me just say, this was the most awkward experience of my entire life! I couldn’t even look at the guy for a day or two after because I was stuck on the date. Oftentimes when someone pays for the date, it is a guy. It doesn’t always have to be that way though. It should be that whoever does the asking, pays for the date. Now it does seem quite a daunting task to pay for all aspects of a date, but the truth is it doesn’t need to be expensive. You don’t have to go on a day date with fancy restaurants, you don’t have to pay $40 to get into an escape room or something else. It could be as simple as playing laser tag and spending $8, or even just covering the gas it takes to get to a hike. It could even be as simple as McDonald's. Sometimes the best dates are the ones that don’t cost anything. The last step is paired off. This may seem super simple but is crucial. If you are on a group date but never talk to your date, how can you say you got to know him or her. You can’t!!!! You don’t have to only talk to your date, but you should spend time getting to know your date. 

Something else that is new with relationships and dating in the world we currently live in deals with the Relationship Attachment Model. This is a model scientists came up with that shows the ideal way of how we form relationships with people. It comes in 5 steps; know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. First, we have step of know, once you know someone you can trust them because you know how they will treat you, and just who they are as a person. Then you can start to rely on them to help you with problems, and with life in general. Then commit, and after you are committed to the person comes trust. It is kinda like a step ladder down into your relationship. Nowadays we don’t know someone very well, and immediately turn to trust, then rely, commit, and touch. This messes the whole system up sadly, and then you grow and become better. 

Now, you know some ways to improve your dating life, don’t be afraid to go on dates with many people. It is super important to get to know lots of different people. Go on simple dates, don’t just hang out, and make sure you really know someone before you start to trust them with every intimate detail of your life. This might just help you avoid roadblocks in life like so many other people throughout the world. Well, talk to you later!!!!!

What are we made up of?

 There are many things going on in today’s society that people either agree with or they don’t. There are many delicate topics people can discuss and get angry about or argue. My topic for today definitely is one of those. I am not the most eloquent or good at phrasing my thoughts, but I do not mean to cause offence with any of the things I voice tonight. These were things I learned in my class and through my own experiences in life. Tonight I am talking about Gender and how that affects each and every one of us in different ways. We tend to be very stereotypical with the things we believe are male and female tendencies and because of this we can cause offense and suffering where there does not need to be any. We are all different from each other for a reason and life would be very boring if we were all named Karen and had brown hair, green eyes, were 6’2” and any other things that can be used to describe the human body. 

I am going to start by mentioning some of the things that are considered female in today’s society. Normally women are more socially oriented. They desire to have connections with other people and will go out of their way to make those connections happen. Have you ever seen a woman run across the room squealing with excitement as they see an old friend? I’m gonna be honest… I've definitely done that. Women also tend to be more prone to things like cyberbullying and hurting someone emotionally. This shouldn’t happen but is definitely something I have seen in my own life. You don’t need to be punched in order for something to hurt and make you cry. One last thing I am going to share, women normally will use landmarks in order to give directions. I can tell you exactly how to get to my house using trees, buildings, dirt roads etc, but I can’t tell you how to get there with directions like north, south, 1 mile. Or ½ mile. It just doesn’t work. A lot of other women are similar to me in this way.

Now that we have talked about the woman, let's compare things that we generally associate with men. In contrast to women being social, men normally are very physical. They like to tear things apart and put them back together. They also really enjoy doing sports, or building something from scratch.  Men also tend to be more likely to be physically violent. Often you will hear stories of young men who got into a fight at school and punched each other or something like that. While this may seem like a bad quality, there definitely is some good that comes from it. Lastly men are normally really good telling you how to get somewhere saying things like, “Go 5 miles to the Northeast and then turn left. Continue like that for 10 minutes and the house will be on your right. This is good. Lots of people’s minds process things like this and it is very precise and helpful.

Now as I said earlier, these are all general things that people assume belong to men and women personalities. However, I am sure we all know people where this is different. In my life, my father is one. As I mentioned before, people look to the women to be social, but my dad will talk to more people than my mom and I combined in one day. It is very impressive and slightly shocking. Whenever we go to a track meet, it is rare to see my father because he is off visiting with all of his track buddies. He knows so many people and will spend all day with them. My mom on the other hand tends to stick back and let others come to her. I do this as well. The people who we tend to view as different and we kinda ostracize them. This is terrible, but hopefully as we all work together that bullying will be stopped.

As I said in the beginning. We are all built unique with different perspectives and talents to share with each other. If we lock them up then we will never see some of the blessings available to each and every one of us.